Being a C&E Protestant, I just learned that McDonalds offers 2 for $4 Filet o' Fish in March because of Lent and not just out of the kindness of their hearts. Could you Catholics work in some sort of dietary restriction forcing you to eat chicken for a month? I'd really like some 10 for $1 McNuggets.

Following an afternoon at the Toledo Museum of Art I decided to treat myself to some Packo's dogs,  and to get there from the museum I'd have to drive through downtown.

Everything was going as planned as I turned right onto Adams from Ontario. Just a block later, I'm greeted by a soldier pointing an M-16 at my car. Immediately I defecated myself and slammed on the brakes. He came over to my window and let me know that the Army was running exercises in the downtown area again, to which I responded by offering to play the insurgency, since I'm an expert with fireworks. He regretfully informed me that they've already got that covered, but to check back in next time. Before scurrying off to devour a chili dog and a plate of fried pickles, I drove around for a while taking photos of the first armed occupation of Toledo that I had heard of since 1835.

Can we as a country now stop making gay jokes about Brokeback Mountain? Will we be wise enough to realize that these jokes weren't all that funny to begin with?

If you're thinking of using a cliched joke about how Brokeback Mountain almost sounds like Bareback Mountain, ask yourself this first: Is that your final answer? Chances are that if you've called someone a "Brokeback Mountain Boy", I don't like you as a person.

Yesterday, I had a front row seat for what can only be described as a verbal disemboweling of a consultant performed by my boss in front of everyone in the cafeteria. Holy crap, she tore into that guy like a hungry lion tearing into a gazelle. Another coworker and I turned away as not to make the thrashing more embarassing for the consultant.

And it's not like it was at all unwarranted. If you're a consultant and you don't know how to use Outlook's calendering feature, you suck at your job.

Puppies + Pergo Flooring + Laser Pointer = More entertainment potential than all of cable TV for an entire week. I have got to get my parents' camcorder working again.

Also, if you get the dot near a couch and turn it off, the dogs will instictively paw at the couch until they forget what they were digging for.

My sister's friend has no Christmas presents this year. Not because he was naughty, not because they were stolen, not even because he's doing something nice and donating his presents to charity. Why is base of his family's Christmas tree so barren this year? Because his dad ran off with one of his mistresses and his mom had to return their gifts to pay the mortgage. Dad froze the bank accounts, canceled the credit cards, and bought a new Lexus. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Why am I writing this? Because I want confirmation that his dad should be in the running for the 2005 Douche of the Year Awards. The jackass waited until all the kids were 18, then filed for divorce. His mom's lawyers discovered that he was seeing not one, but two women, one in Ohio and one in North Carolina. On top of all that, the other kids are both in college and their tuition is in one of the accounts that was frozen. I believe there's a special place in Hell for people who screw with their families like that. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

Yesterday was a great day to be associated with my family. So far today, it appears to be an isolated occurrence

Of course it's actually Wednesday, but I had Monday off. I'm kind of like the garbage men.

When I worked summers at the Street Department in my hometown, I had to fill in once or twice as a garbageman. The thrill of hanging off the edge of a truck going 40MPH is quickly negated by the perma-squishiness in my boot from the garbage squeezins that leak out of nearly every garbage can.

And the shitbuckets. Don't get me started on those.

Is there some reason why Muslims are more susceptible to Rage?

Seriously, the riots started because some teens though the police were after them, when in fact the police were sitting on their butts back at HQ. That's even dumber than the riots in Benton HarlemHarbor, Michigan a few years back that started because residents were upset that a motorcyclist was pursued through the city by State Police. The organ donor on the crotch rocket 10-50'd in someone's front lawn, then all hell broke loose. At least in Benton Harbor the police were actually giving chase.

Today we remember those brave credit unioners who gave their lives to protect our freedom to pay slightly lower fees that we would at a normal bank. On this date in 1643, the Credit Union rebels won a decisive victory against the armies of the Five Jew Bankers, thus legitimizing themselves as banking institutions. Or something like that.

In honor of that great victory for the consumer, the credit union rented a popcorn popper and is giving out free bags to anyone passing by. So far, I've passed by three times today. Stick that in your taco salad bowl and smoke it.